Friday, June 17, 2011

Rodney Resigns Due To Scandal

Inappropriate photo leaked to the public

I apologize for the distraction that I have created.

About 2 years ago, I went on this very same website and declared my intention to answer a higher calling. I took a chance and entered the world of community service. There is no higher honor in a subdivision than being sent by your neighbors to represent them.

I admit to being confused. I had no idea that the things I do every day could be construed as so titillating and inappropriate. But since the designer handbag dogs across the street will not let this go, I suppose I should examine my behavior and perhaps seek treatment.

Perhaps bedroom activities should remain between a dog and his human's pajamas.

The middle class story of Michigan is my story, and I'm very proud of that. My mother lived with a schoolteacher for 10 years. Though he had limited education, my father pooped near that neighborhood school on his morning walks. That's how they met.

How is having a ball or two in your mouth controversial?

It is time that I admit I have engaged in inappropriate exchanges with birds who have tweeted at me from neighborhood trees. This led to sharing intimate photos of myself with them, as well as with a few of the neighborhood bunny rabbits and kitty cats over the past few years. Perhaps I sniffed in a few places I shouldn't have, but it was all innocent banter, and I assumed these exchanges would remain private. Based on their various wing spans, territory acquisition, and hunting abilities, I assumed they were all past their respective juvenile stages, but who really knows? Crap.

I admit that I lied before when I said that this drink had been photoshopped in and that I had been hacked. So I like to get festive now and then. Is that a crime?

Though I am not leaving Crooked Ears, it is time I left my selfless political aspirations behind. I will return to a life of lazy entitlement so that my humans and I can continue to heal from the damage I have caused.

This photo is a bit blurry, so it cannot be proven with certitude that this is me.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hee , hee , hee. Certitude..... B.