Thursday, April 3, 2008

Zoe on: The Proper Way to Play Frisbee

-Express enthusiasm.
-Allow human companion to throw frisbee. Preferably directly to you so you can get down to business without having to chase the thing.
-Don't waste energy trying to catch it in the air. Let it fall to the ground (again, preferably at your feet), then pick it up.
-Your human companion has now become your opponent. Treat him/her as such.
-Proceed to taunt your opponent (There is no ZOE in TEAM; it is not a viable concept). Incorporate these techniques:
~Run playfully toward opponent, then run away when he/she thinks you are about to "drop it" (whatever that's supposed to mean).
~Shake your head vigorously to disorient the frisbee and demonstrate your triumph. This is especially satisfying if you can manage to slap the frisbee against your opponent's shins with a good amount of force.
~DO NOT RELINQUISH THE FRISBEE. I can't stress this enough.
~When your opponent launches an offensive and attempts to take the frisbee, hold on tight. Tug. Shake head back and forth. Maybe give a playful growl because you are finally getting to the good stuff. Trot around him/her happily.
-Do not give the frisbee back for "their turn" no matter what they say. There will be frustration and begging - ignore it.
-Again with the taunting.
-Eventually your foe will realize his/her inferiority and will go inside "...since you don't know how to play and like to pretend not to know simple commands."
-It is now appropriate to gloat. Do not be modest: the whole point of the game is to prove your superior strength and frisbee-acquiring skill. You have done this. You are victorious.
-Attend celebration feast in your honor at Valhallah.

*Bonus points: If there are other players in the vicinity, take their frisbees too.

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